


Understanding Goes a Long Way

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: Asperger Syndrome, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 23:32:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10729551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Understanding Goes a Long Way

Fuck! Where the hell was that book he wanted to read right now? There was a special copy or Tristan and Isolde that his mother had given him as a child. This specific book - the one his mother put her hands on - was the one that was special to him. And now he couldn’t find it. Why did he feel like his world was imploding?

Given that his flight to see his mother had already been cancelled for the night, he was already frustrated. Now, he was home, waiting for Luke to get home from work, and he couldn’t find the damn book he wanted. “Dammit,” he said, throwing book after book on the floor in search of the one he wanted. He hated feeling like this. Frustration, anger, sadness, nostalgia - everything was coming to a head and it was about to bubble over, like a volcano just before it erupted.

He’d already torn apart the bookcase in his and Luke’s bedroom and now the rest of the house was going to be torn to shit. Thing was, he couldn’t even stop himself - he needed to find this book. “Fuck!” he screamed out loud. He prayed none of his neighbors were home right now. They’d probably wonder what he was screaming about and he really didn’t want to explain to them that at 30-something years old, he was having a meltdown. Granted, he had Asperger’s and had been diagnosed, but people still judged you when you were an adult having a meltdown, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it.

As he looked through the second shelf of the five-foot-tall bookcase, he started to scratch at his skin. That’s how he knew the rage was boiling over. He’d get itchy. On top of that, he was always hyper-focused, and right now, he was starting to lose concentration. Another indication. 

Three shelves later and he still couldn’t find it. It was nowhere to be found. A tear sprang to his eye as he slipped down against the wall and put his head in his hands. Where the hell was it? He was so in his own head that he hadn’t even heard the door creak open. “Reid…?” Luke said, crouching down and sitting next to his boyfriend. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Spencer’s lip quivered as his head fell into Luke’s shoulder. “I can’t find my book,” he said sadly. That book was something special. He didn’t know what he was going to do if he couldn’t find it. “I can’t function. I hate this.” 

“What do you mean?” Luke asked. Of course, he knew of Spencer’s diagnosis, but he didn’t fully understand what a meltdown entailed. “Can you explain it to me?”

He could, but not right now. Right now, all he wanted was for Luke to put his arm around him and let him space out. “Later. I promise. I just…can’t right now.” It was only recently that Luke had learned a bit about Asperger’s and all of the things that went with it. Spencer tended to rock his leg a lot when he was trying to calm himself down, like he was doing now, but Luke had looked into something else he thought might help.

Reaching toward his bag, he pulled out a plastic bag with something in it for his boyfriend. “I picked this up for you,” he said, handing it to Spencer. “I thought you might be able to keep it in your pants pocket and if you’re feeling bad and can’t do the type of stimming you normally do, you can click the shit out of this thing. Maybe it’ll help.”

Spencer chuckled slightly and reached out and grasped at the cube, immediately pressing the buttons on one side. “Thanks, Luke,” he said softly, moving further into his boyfriend’s embrace. “This actually really does help a lot.” As he pressed the buttons, he started to focus on them, allowing him to regain total focus and breath steadily again. Turning to the side, he gave Luke a kiss. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Luke asked, gently pulling Spencer closer to him by the roots of his hair. 

Spencer took a deep breath. “For melting down because I can’t find a book. I can’t help it and I know I can’t help it, but I know what people think of this and it’s still embarrassing.”

“People who think that don’t understand or don’t want to try and understand. I don’t truly get it, but I probably never will because I don’t work that way. But you do, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry.” Luke had seen a few books that Spencer left at work before leaving to go see his mother; he brought them home. “Now, what book were you looking for?”

“Tristan and Isolde,” Spencer replied quickly, his eyes aflame with the hope that maybe the book hadn’t just upped and disappeared. “It was the edition my mother used to read to me as a kid. I can’t lose it, Luke. I can’t…” Again, the feelings started to overwhelm him, so he clicked at the cube a few times.

“You left it at work,” Luke said with a smile. “I brought it home.” When he reached into the bag to take out the book, Spencer practically sobbed, grabbing the book and clutching it tightly in his grasp.

“Thank you,” he said softly. Luke responded by pulling him into him and pressing a firm kiss to his lips.

It really wasn’t a problem. Like anyone else, Spencer had his difficulties. It was just that Spencer’s came with a diagnosis. “It’s no problem. I love you.” He grasped Spencer’s hand and entwined their fingers together. “Feeling better?”

“Yea,” Spencer replied, rapidly clicking away at the cube. “This cube thing really helps.”

He was glad it could ease some of the stress. Although he didn’t know what a meltdown felt like, he had seen one before and it looked almost painful. If that little 20 dollar cube could take away some of the pain, then it was totally worth it. He would’ve paid anything for that cube if that were the case. “Can you describe what it feels like when that happens?” he asked.

“It’s like an out-of-body experience,” he started. “I can’t process any emotion, but they all come flooding to me anyway. They all build up and up and up until even the slightest thing makes it bubble over. It could be a wrong breeze coming from the window, or the floor creaking in a way that takes me off guard. It could be the tiniest thing, but it makes my skin crawl and my emotions bubble over. I feel everything. It’s so intense-”

It sounded horrible, Luke thought to himself. Overwhelming wasn’t even the word for it. It wasn’t adequate enough. “It’s like watching a train barreling towards you and wanting to move out of the way, but your body won’t let you. Your feet are permanently planted to the floor and will only lift up after the train has hit you head on.”

“That’s awful,” he replied. “And that helps?” The cube was still clicking away in the distance. It seemed to really be helping him.

Spencer nodded, throwing the cube up into the air and catching it again. “A lot actually. Things like this, or popping my knee up and down like I normally do help to ground me to the real world again. They don’t keep the meltdown from happening normally, but they do help it go by quicker and with less severity.”

“I’m glad,” Luke replied, pushing off the floor and pulling Spencer with him before wrapping him in a hug. “I’m glad I could help.”

“You did more than help, Luke. Understanding goes a long way.”


End file.
